Apology Accepted

     As we go through life, we become attached to the people around us. We see family and friends as people who are there for us every step of the way and take for granted their unconditional love and support. Sometimes, life takes a devastating turn and people are forced to mourn the loss of a loved one unexpectedly. It's the moments that we least expect that continue to haunt people and prevent them from moving on and accepting change. In his book, The Heart of Buddha's Teaching, Thich Nhat Hanh teaches the concept of Impermanence:

When we know that the person we love is impermanent, we will cherish our beloved all the more. Impermanence teaches us to respect and value every moment and all the precious things around us and inside us. When we practice mindfulness of impermanence, we become fresher and more loving. (Hanh 132)

Understanding that every moment is fleeting is a crucial part of Impermanence. Living with the full acknowledgement that every day could be your last with the people around you teaches you to appreciate them all the more. This kind of appreciation and respect leads you to build better relationships with the important people in your life which, in turn, will ease the suffering. Impermanence also teaches that, "if we practice the art of mindful living, when things change, we won't have any regrets" (Hanh 133). Regrets become huge barriers to escaping suffering when they accumulate and force a person to constantly live in the past. Realizing that everything around will inevitably change will lead to a full appreciation of every moment.

    With most of my father's family living in Ukraine, my parents would always call and keep in touch. My dad made it a habit to call my grandfather every morning and have hour long conversations. Ever since I could remember, they had a rocky relationship and these morning conversations would often end in a fight. My dad would hang up the phone, upset and angry over one thing or another. Sometimes the fight was brief and things would go back to normal by the next morning; other times, it would last a while and the whole family would takes sides. These arguments became somewhat of a "normal" occurrence- something I came to expect. One day, I heard an especially loud argument. The details were unclear and I ignored it, like most times. But, throughout the day my father become more sullen. My grandfather called and wanted to talk with him, but I answered that he had left for work. He refused to talk any further with me and we hung up the phone. A little while later, we received a phone call. My grandfather had died. My world turned upside down. Our family was completely shaken by the news. My father had an especially difficult time accepting the news for they had fought right before.

     To this day, I'm not completely sure they had a chance to make peace before his death. My father doesn't talk about what happened, but teaches me to never end the day in a bad mood or to go to bed knowing that I haven't made peace with a person after a fight. His actions taught me the importance of Impermanence and to live each day with no guarantees. Whenever I have a disagreement with someone, I try to not let my anger get the best of me and to forgive that person. I realize that people's words are products of fleeting emotions for which I can't hold against them. Although it's not easy, I've learned to apologize more often. To forgive and forget is easier than to hold on and regret.

Citation:
        Nhá̂t, Hạnh. The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching: Transforming Suffering into Peace, Joy & Liberation : The Four Noble Truths, the Noble Eightfold Path, and Other Basic Buddhist Teachings. New York: Broadway, 1999. Print.