Changes for the Better

           We all have had those feelings, thoughts, and habits that we continued to do even if we knew that they were wrong. We continued to do those things because it became a part of us that was very hard to fix. Personally, if I have a certain feeling, thought, or a habit in mind, it’s very hard to change it. It’s the way I’ve been living throughout my life and it now is an extended part of me. A great example would be a smoker. A smoker knows it’s bad for themselves in health and also those that are around them, but they cannot stop because it became a habit. It became a part of them. It’s a part of their life that they cannot get rid of. So, unless they have a strong will, they are not able to quit. In order to change our feelings, thoughts, and habits, we all need the strong will to change our minds for the better.

           I have many experiences of changing my feelings, thoughts, and habits. An example of my feelings being changed happened when I was in high school. I heard bad things about a course that I was required to take. They said it was one of the worst courses that was offered at my school. This made me have a set feeling about this course and it wasn’t a good one. I started the class having biased opinions. I suffered throughout the class because I was already had the thought that I wasn’t’ going to pass. This made me suffer through the class because I wasn’t truly trying because I was expecting to do not so well due to the rumors. I became unhelpful to my friends that also took the course, which was very unlikely. As the course continued, I came to recognize that my sufferings in this class isn’t coming from the teacher, but myself. I was the one making this class miserable for me because of the opinion that I had. As mentioned in the book, “The Heart of the Buddha’s Teaching” by Hanh, “Every time we ingest toxins into our consciousness, it is like stabbing ourselves with three hundred sharp knives, (37)” I was hurting myself by thinking that it’s impossible to pass this course with a decent grade. As I realized this and started to actually tried to do the best I could, I ended up doing well. After realizing what was actually making me suffer, I was able to change the feelings of the course that I had for the better.

           An example of changing my thoughts occurred when I first came to America. When I first came, I knew little to no English. This caused me great pain and suffering as being only 9 years old. I had hard time adjusting to the new school environments. I kept thinking that I wasn’t going to do well and survive in this country. I was only able to get over my suffering when I realized that I was only making my suffering grow by continuing to think that I wasn’t going to do well. In the book, it says “real happiness is possible if we can stop ingesting the nutriments that cause us to suffer (38).” This is exactly what I did. I stopped thinking about not being able to make in the new country and started to think that I can do well and be just like the other students that were born and raised here. As a result, I was able to stop ESL (English as a Second Language; a help program for those whose first language isn’t English) early and even take higher level courses as I continued my school education here. Changing my thought from not being able to make it in the new country to I can even probably do better than those who were born here allowed me to be actually be better than some of those who were born and raised in this country. Just like “changing the peg (62),” Changing the peg is meant as is. “…just as a carpenter replaces a rotten peg by hammering in a new one. If we are constantly assailed by unwholesome patterns of thought, we need to learn how to change the peg and replace those patterns with wholesome thoughts (62).” Just by changing the thought process just slightly, we can change from bad to good with not much work. Making that slight change in my thought allowed me to become successful and who I am today.

           An example of changing my habit took a lot of work. My worst habit was procrastinating. This took the most work because it was what I have been doing basically all my life. I always ended up doing what I wanted to do first then regret that I didn’t do it sooner and panic that I won’t get it done in time. This was the worst habit that I had and the hardest to fix. As mentioned in the book, “We tend to stick to our habits, even the ones that cause us to suffer (61),” even if we suffer because of what we do, it’s hard to fix. I changed my habit and started to do finish my work early. This made me feel much better about myself and be able to actually enjoy the things I would normally do before doing my work. Before, even if I did what I wanted to do before I did all my work, it didn’t feel as refreshing as it should have been. It was mostly because I always had the thought of needing to do my work in the corner of my head. This allowed me to enjoy less about was I was doing and just keep worrying about what I had to do, but didn’t want to do yet. I kept procrastinating which made me suffer a great amount because I would regret all the time. By fixing my habit, however, it allowed me to be more relaxed and be able to actually enjoy the thing I do.

           Changing our feelings, thoughts, and habits may take a lot of work. It may even bring us some pain and suffering during the transition. However, in the end, we are able to enjoy the results it brings us because we are able to feel better about ourselves. As we feel better about ourselves, we are able to be a lot happier with the way we live.