Lone Wolf: A case against community

 

Native Americans find themselves today in a terrible state where their way of life is being threatened by outside forces almost as mush today as in years past. We can observe that within any culture during times of hardship people band together in an attempt to unite and better equip themselves to face whatever is menacing them.  

However, the concept of community, thought and identity has been related to Native Americans throughout time. I will not be too bold to say that a community identity has little value, but I do not want to be a part of it. When I was young I struggled greatly to fit in, I didn’t have too many friends and to this day do not have a large number of people I would call friend. My story is one that led me to believe that I do not belong to any group, nor do I want to. Whenever you become part of a group you give up part of yourself. People do things they would never do one their own but do these things in the name of the group. It is an innate human yearning to want to be a part of something but I have come to terms to shed that away.

This most certainly does not mean that I do not enjoy people or their company, but I put little faith in groups and when people align with them. Those who call friend have at time not agree with me about this and I have witnessed them turn into people I do not recognize on occasion. This has caused me great pain at times, but I have also learned not to begrudge them for wanting to indulge into a group atmosphere. Regardless I treat people as individuals and it is that relationship on a personal level that lets me cherish my friends for who they are.  

I have learned that I can accept myself better when I’m not trying to fit in. If you like me for who I am, I am grateful. If someone does not, I’m not changing. My notion of self acceptance will always be greater than any yearning to belong to anything or anywhere. The pack can have their values, I have my own.

 

Vegetarianism

During this semester we were challenged to go vegetarian for one week.  A challenge much harder than it sounds ( I like my bacon with a side of bacon after all).  This challenge however was a true eye opening experience for me, and taught me a lot about our world in general.  I was able to keep up with the challenge for the first few days but I did notice I was eating very unhealthy food.  I ate a lot of pasta, due to the fact I had no other vegetarian food at home.  In the campus center I discovered vegetarian options were limited as well, so I ate cheese pizza frequently as well.  Doing this I became very self conscious and very aware of what I was eating.  The only experience that could possibly relate to it was trying to avoid travelers illness in foreign countries.  After a few days my stores of vegetarian food ran out and I began eating meat again.  I had done my weekly shopping trip before class and before knowing the challenge.  I did return to the store before breaking the challenge but I was surprised to see the high cost of healthy vegetarian foods.  It became ever more obvious that we live in a society that does not support vegetarianism, both in food culture and socio-economically,  a lesson I shall soon not forget.

Thoughts on the Two Truths

 

    The two truths are relative or worldly truth and absolute truth, samvriti satya and paramartha satya.  "We enter the door of practice through relative truth", and the Heart of the Buddhas' Teaching sheds light on the fact that you cannot "leap into absolute truth without taking the path of relative truth".
  Each of the two truths value joy and suffering as well as the removal of life span.  In terms of joy and suffering, the Heart of the Buddhas' Teaching states, "without experiencing relative joy, you will not know what to do when you are face-to-face with absolute joy.  Many people think that in order to avoid suffering, they have to give up joy, and they call this 'transcending joy and suffering'."
   In addition, the two truths value removal of life span because "we think that we exist only from this point until this point, and we suffer because of that notion".  It all seems to go back to suffering and how we deal with suffering, joy, happiness, and the like.  Relative truth is what you see on the surface and absolute truth is based on the fundamentals.

My Grandmother Taught Me Compassion

          Can you imagine a world with no sound, a world where no one can hear your voice?  My grandmother was born into a world with no ability to hear and no voice to speak, a world of total deafness.  She often felt alone and terrified. Everyday tasks to my grandmother were extremely difficult, if not impossible to do.  Some of the simplest tasks were turned into painstaking struggles.  So badly I had wished I could give her my hearing, just to ease the pain of everyday life.  To me my grandmother was perfect but to others she was an oddity.

            My grandmother was always a significant part of my life.  I didn’t realize how different she was until one day my grandmother and I ran to the market to run a few quick errands. As we cashed out, my grandmother could not hear or communicate with the cashier.  This caused my grandmother to become overwhelmed with confusion and frustration.  At this very moment, everything tumbled down on me.  For the first time in my life I had realized my grandmother was living in another world.  She was hearing impaired and handicapped.  I had never thought that such pain could erupt out of such a simple everyday task. I was beside her as she struggled. I watched her experience such heartache and sadness.  I felt as though I could not relieve her feeling of helplessness.  I wanted to do anything to make her feel as “normal” as I saw her to be. 

          Growing up with this in my life and being beside my grandmother as she struggled has been an impacting experience.  I learned about her handicap and the disabilities of others in the world. I now know I will always have a sensitive spot in my heart for that.  No matter where life may take me I will always be aware and willing to help those a little less fortunate..

          I learned from my grandmother by being beside her as she struggled.  Although she may be deaf that never broke her spirit.  She has always been a strong willed woman who never let other people’s cruel words bring her down.  With all of the difficulties in her life, she accomplished all of her goals and with a smile on her face.  She has the kindest heart and a will to succeed.  Not only has she taught me to be more caring and concerned for others, but she has given me motivation and strength to accomplish my dreams.

          I look at my grandmother and see all of the great things that she has achieved in her lifetime while always being kind and generous to others.  I would always think to myself, if she has the strength to persevere even with all the hardships in her life then I do too. She is one of the driving forces behind me being in pharmacy school.  Although it may be difficult, I know that I have what it takes to succeed.  Throughout my path to becoming a pharmacist, I have dealt with struggles that many people my age are not forced to face.  No matter how painful or hard it was to continue pushing forward I never gave up.  I have my grandmother, mother and father to thank for that.

          I  have learned from my elders as the Native Americans do from theirs.  Native Americans pass down their life lessons through story telling.  Native American culture has a tradition of respecting family and honoring their elders.   Their cultural values enhance their sense of community and give them strength during tough times.  Native Americans believe that their elders have knowledge and wisdom which they have gained over the years.  Elders are said to be libraries of knowledge, history and tradition for the Indians.
          Although I may not learn all of my life lessons through story telling as the Indians do, I do agree with many of the traditional Native American culture values.  I learn from my parents and grandparents by watching them deal with the hardships of life.   These are the people that raised me; the people whom I spent the majority of my time with growing up as a child.  I respect and honor them.   I have always watched and observed how my elders reacted and dealt with problems that were handed to them.   I could not be more proud of the people they are today. They are what I emulate to be.

Finding My Reservation

Ever since I was a little boy, I had always spent my time outside the house. Unfortunately, growing up in the suburbs made it difficult to really enjoy all that nature had to offer. I don’t know why but my parents always kept me from going far. I always talked about traveling and going to California or hiking the Appalachian Trail or climbing Mount Everest. I have always been a dreamer. This may be why they kept me secluded because Mom and Dad were worried about my safety. I don’t know what they were hiding from me but they never let me go beyond the outskirts of the city. Since I was a boy, I have been trapped. I have been forced to evolve into the culture that surrounds me; the culture that is always worried about their jobs, their money, and making a name for themselves. These are the ideas that fill the ether that I live in. It is tiring and stressful to live in this environment. At least when I was a boy, I was carefree and didn’t have to worry about money and fame. I was just doing my own thing and enjoying life.

Since then, growing up in the society that we live in, my head has been filled with ideas about money, fame, and how these are the only things that will bring you happiness.

I have a close friend, Sean, from home that always talks about fishing, hunting, and camping. I have always evaded from doing such activities because I thought only poor people did them. I thought that in order to be happy and successful, I needed to have a lot of money and buy expensive things. These ideas in my head have been a result of growing up in modern day society. My friends were driving sports cars and taking trips to Florida while I was stuck in a 120 degree kitchen all summer. It left me feeling marginalized. It made me feel like I wasn’t fitting in. But last summer, I started to question; do I really want to fit in? Is this really the life that I want?

Last summer, Sean decided to plan a big camping trip with some of our friends from home. Most of them grew up sheltered like I have. I thought that if everyone was going, I might as well go. Little did I know I was about to have a tremendous experience that would change my life.

We drove up to Lake Luzerne in upstate New York for our long weekend away. When we finally arrived, the road leading us to the campsite was a long and rugged dirt trail. It was clear we were in the country. We made it to the campsite and began unpacking and enjoyed a few beers. It wasn’t long before we found ourselves posted up in the lawn chairs by the fire pit. As I sat there, I looked around and I smiled. I never thought I could find a more peaceful setting. The sun was peeking through the tree tops. The wind slalomed its way through the tree branches. I was surrounded by nature and all its beauty. On top of that I was enjoying this moment with some of my closest friends. We weren’t in the city any longer. We didn’t have to worry about getting to work in the morning or beating the 5:00 traffic. The only worry in my head was when the fire would go out.

We shared many good nights together telling stores, eating good food, and enjoying some beers. It was like a good old fashioned powwow! We made it out to the lake for a day where we spent the day on the boat. It was a lot of fun just being with my good friends.

I am so thankful Sean brought me out here. I feel like I have finally found my reservation and where I can be myself with all my closest friends, free of judgment. This summer, I’m going to buy my own tent and a kayak and really get out there and have some fun with my friends! I look forward to a life full of excitement and fun with the people I love.

Chad