I
have many experiences of changing my feelings, thoughts, and habits. An example
of my feelings being changed happened when I was in high school. I heard bad
things about a course that I was required to take. They said it was one of the
worst courses that was offered at my school. This made me have a set feeling
about this course and it wasn’t a good one. I started the class having biased
opinions. I suffered throughout the class because I was already had the thought
that I wasn’t’ going to pass. This made me suffer through the class because I
wasn’t truly trying because I was expecting to do not so well due to the
rumors. I became unhelpful to my friends that also took the course, which was
very unlikely. As the course continued, I came to recognize that my sufferings
in this class isn’t coming from the teacher, but myself. I was the one making
this class miserable for me because of the opinion that I had. As mentioned in
the book, “The Heart of the Buddha’s Teaching” by Hanh, “Every time we ingest
toxins into our consciousness, it is like stabbing ourselves with three hundred
sharp knives, (37)” I was hurting myself by thinking that it’s impossible to
pass this course with a decent grade. As I realized this and started to
actually tried to do the best I could, I ended up doing well. After realizing
what was actually making me suffer, I was able to change the feelings of the
course that I had for the better.
An
example of changing my thoughts occurred when I first came to America. When I
first came, I knew little to no English. This caused me great pain and
suffering as being only 9 years old. I had hard time adjusting to the new
school environments. I kept thinking that I wasn’t going to do well and survive
in this country. I was only able to get over my suffering when I realized that
I was only making my suffering grow by continuing to think that I wasn’t going
to do well. In the book, it says “real happiness is possible if we can stop
ingesting the nutriments that cause us to suffer (38).” This is exactly what I
did. I stopped thinking about not being able to make in the new country and
started to think that I can do well and be just like the other students that
were born and raised here. As a result, I was able to stop ESL (English as a
Second Language; a help program for those whose first language isn’t English) early
and even take higher level courses as I continued my school education here.
Changing my thought from not being able to make it in the new country to I can even
probably do better than those who were born here allowed me to be actually be
better than some of those who were born and raised in this country. Just like “changing
the peg (62),” Changing the peg is meant as is. “…just as a carpenter replaces
a rotten peg by hammering in a new one. If we are constantly assailed by
unwholesome patterns of thought, we need to learn how to change the peg and
replace those patterns with wholesome thoughts (62).” Just by changing the
thought process just slightly, we can change from bad to good with not much
work. Making that slight change in my thought allowed me to become successful
and who I am today.
An
example of changing my habit took a lot of work. My worst habit was
procrastinating. This took the most work because it was what I have been doing
basically all my life. I always ended up doing what I wanted to do first then
regret that I didn’t do it sooner and panic that I won’t get it done in time.
This was the worst habit that I had and the hardest to fix. As mentioned in the
book, “We tend to stick to our habits, even the ones that cause us to suffer
(61),” even if we suffer because of what we do, it’s hard to fix. I changed my
habit and started to do finish my work early. This made me feel much better
about myself and be able to actually enjoy the things I would normally do
before doing my work. Before, even if I did what I wanted to do before I did
all my work, it didn’t feel as refreshing as it should have been. It was mostly
because I always had the thought of needing to do my work in the corner of my
head. This allowed me to enjoy less about was I was doing and just keep
worrying about what I had to do, but didn’t want to do yet. I kept
procrastinating which made me suffer a great amount because I would regret all
the time. By fixing my habit, however, it allowed me to be more relaxed and be
able to actually enjoy the thing I do.
Changing
our feelings, thoughts, and habits may take a lot of work. It may even bring us
some pain and suffering during the transition. However, in the end, we are able
to enjoy the results it brings us because we are able to feel better about ourselves.
As we feel better about ourselves, we are able to be a lot happier with the way
we live.
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