Throughout our lives, everyone has
at some point come to the realization that each of us is different. Whether this realization comes from a best
friend changing and becoming someone they’re not, or something they see from
within their own self that they regret, the feeling is there. Not everyone has the same morals and values;
it’s a simple fact of life. Being that
we live in a world full of different people, we need to learn to accept the
fact that sometimes they will hurt you, sometimes they do things that are
considered rude, sometimes they do things that are mean, and sometimes they do
things that others find annoying.
Everyone, whether they are young or old possesses these habits, which
can be destructive not only to themselves, but also to the people around them.
In the book The Heart of Buddha’s
Teaching, written by Thich Nhat Hanh, ideas on how to help rid ourselves
from these habits are discussed helping to teach us how to change a feeling,
thought, or habit that is wrong.
Changing for the better is not
always an easy thing to accomplish.
Regardless of whether one is trying to change a feeling, thought or
habit, this change comes with a cost.
Being able to depict the good and bad aspects of ourselves is the first
step in attempting to change these different qualities. Two techniques that were discussed by Buddha
include “selective watering” and “changing the peg”. One way Buddha describes “selective watering”
is to “recognize which seeds are wholesome and to encourage those seeds to be
watered.” (Hanh 52) Some of the
wholesome characteristics someone might possess might include loyalty and positivity,
and some of the unwholesome characteristics someone might possess may include
betrayal or negativity. It varies
between individuals but it’s a matter of coming to terms with which “seeds” you
possess in order to push your life in a more positive direction. Giving many examples, one that Buddha uses to
describe “changing the peg” is “when a peg of wood is not the right size or is
rotting or in despair, a carpenter will replace it by putting another peg on
exactly the same spot and driving the new peg into the old one.” (Hanh
207) In other words, find what it is
that you need to cut out of your life and replace it with something positive
and more meaningful.
In order to change a feeling, it is
important to find the reason you are feeling the way you do. When I’m upset or mad, I try to recognize why
I feel this way, and do the opposite in order to make myself happier and in
better spirits. An example of how I have
changed a feeling is actually a pretty recent situation. Following high school, my best friend and I
went our separate ways, attending school six hours away from each other. Although we still talked on a regular basis,
I saw our friendship growing further and further apart. Everyone goes through changes, but I
continued to see a change in her, causing more of a change in our
friendship. There have been times where
this has really depressed me. It’s a
hard thing to deal with when you realize your best friend isn’t necessarily
your best friend anymore. Once I
discovered what my issue with the situation was, I talked to my mom about it a
lot. As Buddha says, “if you sit with a
friend and speak openly, determined to discover the roots of suffering,
eventually you will see them clearly.” (Hanh 38) Through numerous talks with my mom, she
eventually made me think of all the positives.
Although my friendship with this individual is not as strong as it once
was, it has allowed me to create a stronger friendship with another friend from
home. I have also realized that instead
of looking back on our friendship and being upset that it isn’t what it used to
be, I need to embrace the fact that it has changed and smile when looking back
at all the fun and memorable times the two of us have shared. After talking to my mom, realizing the issue,
and changing my way of feeling how I did, I have become much happier. This is an example of selective watering
because I found feelings within the situation that were positive, and focused
on that. It is also an example of
changing the peg because I removed the negative feelings associated with my
friend, and replaced them with happy memories that I will carry with me
forever.
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| Which way will you choose? |
To change a thought is much harder than to change a feeling. Many times people are set in their thoughts and ways and it can be a hard thing to change. The mind is a tricky thing and only the person in control has the power to change their own thoughts. Although these thoughts can be influenced by others, it is important to stay true to oneself. Softball is one of my hobbies that I have loved ever since being a kid. Throughout my years of playing softball, I played for my towns little league teams and also for travel teams over the summer. When I was approximately 12 years old, my coach never believed in the player I was. Without giving me a chance to play in the games, I sat the bench the majority of the time. With the lack of confidence my coach had in me, I always thought I was not very good at softball. Although I hate quitters and don’t consider myself one, I was close to giving softball up. The negative thoughts about my ability had taken over when I received a phone call from the travel softball coach of the 18U team. Being that they didn’t have enough players to make up a team, I, along with a few others, were asked to play at the 18U level. Being a part of this team, and having the opportunity to play for this coach made me realize how lucky I was. This coach believed in my skills as a softball player, and he made me believe in myself. I no longer have negative thoughts, they are all positive thanks to the impact he had on my life. If you tell yourself something enough times, you start to believe it’s true. I finally started to feel confident about my ability and my thoughts turned positive. I changed the peg by replacing my negative thoughts with positive thoughts and I used Buddha’s method of selective watering to nourish my positive thoughts and continued to play softball.
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| Bite the habit. |
Changing a habit can also be
difficult. Although I see many bad
habits all around me, one that I particularly possess is biting my nails. Being that your nails have so many germs
under them, it is a habit I needed to break.
Ever since I was a little kid I’ve been biting my nails. I tend to find myself biting them when I’m
stressed out and overtired. There have
been times where I go days without touching them, but there have also been
weeks where I’m stressed out non-stop.
Being that I have realized the cause of my habit, I have gone about
finding ways to change it. I have
noticed that when my nails are painted, I don’t bite them because I don’t want
to mess up the nail polish. They also
sell “Bite it” nail polish in stores that prevents people from biting their
nails because of the awful bitter taste it has.
Keeping my nails constantly painted has caused me to change my
habit. By replacing normal nail polish
with “Bite it” nail polish, I have changed the peg. As far as selective watering is concerned, I
established my bad habit, and told myself I needed to stop because I have the
willpower to quit. Thus far, I have been
successful, causing me to feel healthier.
Overall, Buddhism has taught me a
lot about the life I want to live. It
has encouraged me to be a better and healthier person and it has encouraged me
to look at the little things as the big things.
I have already made changes to a feeling, thought and habit, and I hope
to continue making these positive changes in my life to improve my
happiness. Whether it’s a feeling or
thought of sadness or a bad habit, there are always ways to make the feelings
and thoughts positive, and the habits good.
Where there’s a will, there’s a way, and finding the root of the problem
is the best place to start.
Hanh, Thich Naht. The Heart of Buddha’s Teaching. Broadway Books, 1999
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